From the Message Board

THE MORNING AFTER PILL - WEEK 4
Here goes it….

As much as it pain all of us, I have to start with Aaron and Team "It Was An Abortion Michael Like Our Fantasy Name Which Can't Get Any Longer But Maybe It Can…" Phenomenal win. Aaron was watching the Monday Night Game in Michael Irvin's living room at the Embassy Suites. He won the week when T.J Where'smyponytail caught Palmer's last pass of the game and got 100 yards on the nose. Aaron's reaction was like he just won an award at the Technical Emmys. "I haven't won a week since the Doping Agency! High-five bro!" he exclaimed. Up goes a Dubbs pic…..Frank the Tank takes the loss. I think next week Jed should start 4 or 5 Bears. Maybe pick up Kyle Orton or Desmond Clark at 4:20 am. Jed, we have to get the Bill Walsh Trophy out of your house. It's having a kryptonite like effect on you.

Let's give some love to Team Bumps. Hell, a standing ovation or maybe the wave. He put a stealth like hit on The Shocker. It was like the scene in Goodfellas when Morrie gets the screwdriver in the back of the neck. My sources in Diego tell me that amongst the dejection of all the Charger fans in the parking lot, Bumper was seen consoling a teary-eyed child in a wheelchair. He whispered to the kid, "it's okay sport, at least the Bloody Mary Mafia is back. I was down and out too. Just like you. But then I started Daunte and everything worked out. Keep your head up." And then he gave him his Hencho hat and did the "Culpepper Roll" for him. And then took his Hencho Hat back.

I'm at a loss for words with the Shocker. Don't give up Paul. I mean look at the Phillies, the 93' Bills, John Travolta, Ashlee Simpson. Comebacks really can happen.

How about Team Hemming! Grill Slappers dropped another "Ike Turner Uppercut" this week on 3 Foot Giant. It got so bad on Sunday afternoon that Mike had to wear a mouthpiece and he put a headgear on Julian to protect him from the punches. Vicious defeat. Mike pulled out all the stops. He even called the commish after a Jamal Lewis TD and told him that he meant to put him in that morning but his computer was down. Was there anything the commish could do? (True story) Aaron didn't even answer the question, but he did ask if he had any gigs coming up.

Early on it looked like Rusty Trombone was going to break a record we all thought would stand for eternity. Least Points Scored in a Single Game, 2005 – 14.5 Napoleon's Complex. (Side note: this Rockies/Padres game is amazing. Hey Paul, add the Rockies to that comeback list) Johnny Diamond should take Rusty T to Sizzler and thank him for that win. Diamond wins again with the Griese, Leinart, Gerrard shuffle. You could drink an entire bottle of Grey Goose with a King Cobra chaser and those QB's will still be a "3" when the bar closes.

Whiskey Dick was up big early. Dan Marino thought he was going to win the week. Then Mick looked at the logo and he was done. Guy unleashed the girl from the well and she bit Mick's head off. If you play Guy, tape a small piece of dark paper where his logo will be on your computer. It's your only chance.

You remember that scene in Mystic River that won Sean Penn the Oscar? He just found out his daughter was dead and it took an entire precinct to hold him back. Sunday – Greg – Chargers. But Team Motorboat is firing on all cylinders. Like a 67' Margaux, or the 60' Aston Martin Zagato or even the 72' Dolphins. Could this be the first team in history to go undefeated? Greg should enter this team in the $100,000 Fantasy Challenge in Vegas. Or maybe Greg should just take Irvin to Sizzler because that team is "a bum asking for change in the middle of an intersection". Sign says: Taking it in every hole – real hard. Will work for a Wide Receiver.

(Cue theme song from Hoosiers)

All I got is this blog men. My team is doo-doo. Michael Irvin is a one-hit wonder, a flash in the pan. I am the Faster Pussycat, the Faith No More, the Jimmy Eat World of our league. But I will never stop fighting, never stop battling. I will watch every game, I will scrap the bottom of every waiver wire looking for kickers, I will offer outlandish trades, I will change my logo every week, I will live on the block, I will post ridiculous polls, I will tell people at parties that our league is the best league, because fantasy makes reality easier men! Hollywood Packers! Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!